Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Words cannot describe my feelings today! It is a mixture of joy and peace yet sprinkled in there is a sadness, too. I am going to shake it off and begin again. I will offer up (or at least I'll try) my own personal struggles today and replace it with the overwhelming love I have for Our Lord today! What an amazing gift - the gift of Our Savior!

Awake!

There's so much happening around me...yet, I feel like I'm the only one not moving! I am trying so hard to remain/get/arrive in a prayerful and peaceful state but it's not working. Christmas is difficult for me. I'm not going to cry about being lonely for Christmas because it's not that. I guess I'm just a bit sad at having to do it by myself. Not resentful because of it but sad. It might be easier if I didn't know what it was like to have someone to share these things but I do remember. No one was a bigger kid than Bill! He knew exactly which presents to set up the night before while all I thought about was getting the dishes done so I wouldn't have to do them in the morning. Or he knew how to ensure the kids couldn't sneak a peek at the tree without our knowledge while I thought about who was going to eat the 'Santa' cookies left out for the big guy (gal)

It wasn't or it isn't that I'm not nostalgic and traditional and all of those things because I am. It's just that it's much easier as a team because you have a checks and balance thing going! It has worked for me to be the task master and now that it's just me, I see that I can't always have my task master hat on and it's stuck! I have a difficult time relaxing. It's not that I'm a stick in the mud or mean it's just that I don't know how to stop thinking about all of the necessary things to be done and just be awake.

It has become more evident since being back in the dating world. I see that I am very, very rusty when it comes to letting someone do anything for me. It is hard to relax and let another person be the fun one and just be awake. I long to be that casual person EVERY.ONCE.IN.A.WHILE. But...I have realized that it has served my family well for me to be the task master. I also have realized that the kids are older and we all need to evolve and roll with the changes ahead. We (well, come on -ME!) need to let go some of the tasks reserved for the task master and share it. It's still not the same as sharing the Christmas lists with one's spouse but it isn't all bad either.

I am going to pray in the next few days for that peace and that "relaxation" to come across me and to be thankful and loving and calm and AWAKE!

Thoughts

I have been faced with a certain crisis the past week and it has enabled me to stop and really listen. Have you done that? Not just listening and waiting until the other person(s) are done speaking so as to impart your amazing advice but really just listen to someone or no one. I know, I'm straddling on that abstract artsy-fartsy fence and that's a world that I know nothing about in the least!! What I mean is, via this crisis that I encountered, I was able to shut my mouth and allow others to minister TO me. That's not easy to do for a care-taker like myself. I pride myself on being the one to hold and comfort and advise and love others and I am not at all comfortable being on the other side of that. I want that but when it's given to me, I'm often left wondering (to myself) what the "payback" will be for being vulnerable?

How sad is that? How sad that when my friends or my family reach out to assist me that I'm, all the while, wondering what I should do to repay the favor. This isn't because my friends and family are demanding of it. It's because (wait for it...) I don't feel worthy of the kindness! What the hell? I mean, come on! When is this record going to quit skipping? HOWEVER... the shell has begun to crack! I finally am beginning to see myself in the eyes of others. Don't get me wrong, I mean this in the healthy way. I am beginning to care less about my own skewed view of myself and I am beginning to open my eyes to the love that I see in the eyes of Dorrie and in the eyes of Shelly and in the eyes of Kerry and in the eyes of... I pray that this will lead to me ultimately seeing the love of God through my own eyes. Is this possible? I pray so! No, I know it is so!

So, why the picture of the snow on this entry? Well, if you know me, snow represents what I want for my life; peace, purity, true beauty, renewal. For others, snow represents nothing even resembling these things but I don't know what it is about me and Winter but the minute that last bit of snow melts in Spring, I am mourning the loss of Winter.

So, I guess I want to take this time to thank my dear, dear friends that have loved me through this crisis! To know that I will always have at least 2 people (probably more) that will hold back my hair and pat my head and let me know it's all going to be ok, is a gift that I hold precious in my heart!

"For there shall the seed produce peace and prosperity; the vine shall yield her fruit and the ground shall give its increase and the heavens shall give their dew; and I will cause the remnant of this people to inherit and possess all these things." Zechariah 8:12
(Here is my translation of this reading: We must enjoy the harvest that is returned to our lives when we sow into someone else's life. Make sense?)

Gettin' Ready

Well, winter decided to show itself today! It came upon us with such gusto - very high winds, sideways blowing snow, and super cold temps. I'm so happy about winter that I could just literally weep for joy! I will, however, enjoy it more when these gusty winds die down a bit. But, I long for the peacefulness, the gentleness, the quietness, the other 'nesses' of winter. While others (mostly everyone) around South Bend hate winter because it seems to last forever, I welcome it because it ushers in a more calm and homey time for me and my kids. I think, again, that it all has to do with peace for me and winter represents peace.

I have begun to read a book called, "The Apostolate of Holy Motherhood" It is a book based on the visions of a young mother in her thirties. I'm not going to get into a debate on the validity of visions or locutions - I believe that if God has something to say that he can darn well send His Mother or anyone else He wants in any form He wants. We all are in different stages of our lives and God meets us where we are and if it's the shape of a pancake or on the trunk of a tree or, in this case, in the embodiment of the Blessed Mother to this young mother, then so be it. OK?

There is a chapter called Silence and Obscurity that has really spoken to me and it deals with peace and that is how I have come to combine this post on winter with this post on peace and a message from Our Lady.

*Vision of Our Blessed Mother, she again appeared to have been crying as the day before:
"Silence and obscurity. This is what I ask of you. Let the light of the Lord shine through you in your daily duties. Many misunderstand this and think that they must be in the public eye to do great things for God. It is often quite the contrary. Silence and obscurity as I was in Bethlehem and Nazareth."

I found this to be very reassuring and refreshing and a relief. I, many times, wonder if any of what I am doing by "just" raising my kids will mean anything. How am I changing the world? How is anyone ever going to remember Kelly? In the words of Our Lady - silence and obscurity. I can do that!!

Time to Refocus

I am so thankful for my family! Because of them I get to enjoy moments like these:

Forgiveness

I'm back, trying to delve back into my prayer life. Don't get me wrong, I still managed to pray but it was always for someone else. It's not that I didn't think I needed the prayers for myself but more the fact that I didn't think I deserved the prayers. My goodness! Haven't I ridden this horse long enough? I mean, how long am I going to lament my unworthiness? It's like constantly asking someone if this dress makes me look fat. Not that God would ever hurt me or reject me or claim me unworthy. So, the example makes sense in MY head but it may not in yours - deal with it!

I've decided to re-read some of my spiritual books. It gets me into a prayerful posture without the pressure of knowing what to say. I've dusted off "I Believe in Love" and I opened up to where I left off...and stumbled upon the chapter on Mary, the Blessed Mother. Well, that got me psyched because who better to emulate the art of being humble without being a jackass (like myself) You see, in my quest to be humble I have mistaken it for my own feeling of unworthiness. Big difference and I think my faithful friends are, quite frankly, sick of having to convince me of my worthiness and my lovable nature. Again, I harken back to the dress analogy - eventually they might just tell me that yes, indeed, you look fat in that dress. Not because that is the truth but because they refuse to "play the game" anymore. Thank God my friends, Shelly, Kerry, Jill, and others, would never give up on validating me but they may resort to kicking my fanny (Jill's young and she could do it!)

Five jewels in the heart of Mary: her simplicity, her abandonment, her love for the Cross, her thirst for souls, and her love. What is amazing about these jewels is how attainable they are. Mary, in her perfection, could be known for her piousness (which she mastered), her suffering (and she certainly suffered), her obedience (could any of us give such a magnificant Fiat?), and so on. She was all of these thing and she was more. But, what I love about these 5 jewels named in the "I Believe in Love" book is that you could be talking about you or me - and that's the beauty of Our Lady!

Simplicity-the absence of excess
"In our time Jesus also wants hidden saints like the woman of Nazareth (Mary)who distinguish themselves in nothing exteriorly, but who burn interiorly."

Abandonment-the act of leaving or giving something up completely
"The loving abandonment of Mary is at the origin of our Redemption"

The Cross-Jesus and His amazing sacrifice
Can you imagine knowing at the time of conception, at the time of the fiat, that Mary knew that her own soul would be pierced by a sword because of her Son. "Mary was preparing for the great reunion of the Assumption, when she was to see the wounds streaming with Blood changed into wounds streaming with light and glory."

Souls-you, me, and the rest that are hardly worth the thirst
"In her fiat at Nazareth there is something of the impulse of a mother who wants to prevent her child from falling into the flames, for she realized more than anyone else what sin is, what Hell is. So she cried, 'Yes, let me receive the sword, the piercing lance at Golgotha. I consent to see Jesus suffer and die to save my other children.'"

Love-a very strong warm feeling or deep concern for someone, commitment
"This is the diamond which flashes its splendor on all the others. It is more than a jewel of her heart - it is her heart itself."

I can attain these jewels! I can! But...I have got to do more than what I've been doing. I need to get back to "working" towards these jewels and "working" towards perfection. Sometimes, I get caught up in the unworthiness that we all possess and forget that God isn't asking for us to be perfect! He is so beyond what we humans call perfection and he doesn't label us in the manner or by the measures that we have created on earth - THANK GOD!

I will leave you with this final quote from the book;
"Each morning at Mass, the focal point of your days and of your life, put Jesus on the altar of the wounded heart of Mary, the Mother of the Church. Assist at Mass near her, with her, at the foot of the Cross, like St. John and St. Mary Magdalene."
Thank You, Jesus!

Thank you, Mary!

ps. sorry so long!!!

Adoption Day

Today is the day 19 years ago that I placed my son, Joseph, for adoption. I'm never quite sure when to remember him. Do I take a moment on his birthday, October 17th? Do I commemorate him today on the day he went home with his forever family? I know, I can remember him on any ordinary day that I want but after 19 years I still don't know what to do. It's kind of a mixed bag because I want people to remember what happened and to acknowledge his life but I don't want to remind them either.

It's hard because I don't feel old enough to have done anything of significance! Let alone do something almost 20 years ago that affected so many people in such a huge way! How can this be since I'm only 30 years old? Gosh, I wouldn't want to redo 30 so I'll just stick to being 39 - I like it!

I wonder what Joseph looks like at 19. Is he away at college or did he stay home and learn a trade? Does he have a girlfriend or has he discerned a vocation in the priesthood already? Does he have red hair like his brothers and sister? Is he tall like the McNamara family or is he average in height? Is he obsessed with sports like the rest of us or is he more into the arts (or both)?

I guess what I wonder most is if he ever wonders about me? Does he know he's adopted? I can only assume that they've told him but I don't know that for a fact. If he does know, has he read all of the letters that I've written through the years? Has he seen pictures of Murphy, Briege, and Keagan? Does he ever want to meet me and his siblings that all know about him and pray for him? My canned response has always been that I won't seek him out because I want it to be his decision but I would like to know where he is so that I can take a peek at him. Is that wrong? I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't hurt me that he hasn't requested information about me from the agency. I'm trying to convince myself that what I did was for him and for his parents and that I'm secondary to the picture. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm stronger than I really am. I'm failing, friends! I'm hurting, I'm depressed, I'm surprised, I'm weak!

I love you, Joseph. I truly love you and I pray and hope and know that you are happy. I want you to know that I have never stopped thinking about you and that I want nothing more than your happiness. Convincing? Well, I believe what I say but I'm hurting as I say it. Is that wrong, too?

I'm hurting.

I'm depressed.

I'm surprised.

I'm weak.

Sums it Up

Ever had one of these kinds of days? Well, I'm having it and, by God, it's never going to end! Sometimes I envy the life of a dog because even if they have bad breath (and, holy crap, my dog has got bad breath!) or they pee on the floor or they chew your favorite shoe, all they have to do is put their little heads on their paws and quietly sit by you. Yeah, that kind of loyalty is why I envy dogs. I cherish being a human and all the beauty that it contains but I envy dogs, I tell ya'! So, yep, this picture sums it up and I just wish someone would scratch behind my ears or rub my belly and tell me it's all going to be ok!

Fall

I LOVE FALL!
I DO, I REALLY, REALLY DO!
I LOVE THE CRUNCHY LEAVES FALLING; I LOVE THE AMAZING COLORS; I LOVE THE SWEATSHIRT WEATHER; I LOVE THE CAREFREE QUIETNESS; I EVEN LOVE TO RAKE THE LEAVES!
I LOVE FALL!
HERE ARE SOME OF THE REASONS WHY I LOVE THE FALL:

Frickin' Swine Flu

I really hate the media, you know? I'm tired of the arguments between Jon and Kate (FYI Jon, grow a pair and be a man), I'm sick of the love affair with Michael Jackson now that he's dead (you remember him, the one who allowed little kids to sleep in bed with him?), I'm over the obsession with anything David Letterman and his insipid behavior (I guess it's ok to cheat on a loved one as long as you haven't exchanged wedding vows - screw the fact that you have been dating for like 20 years!), and, for the love of God, this stupid Swine flu coverage has gotten on my last nerve! I totally get the reason for reporting about the H1N1 (hate, hate, hate that some moron decided to call it the Swine flu) and also for reporting on what one can do to both prevent it and treat it. But, must it always be tinged with the "Holy crap! The sky is falling" mentality?

Two years ago, I got the flu and I gotta say, that I really wanted to die! My head hurt more than anything, I was covered in a layer of sweat induced by 104 temps, I couldn't lift my head long enough to make sure the kids were up and ready for school, and so on! It wasn't too much after Bill died that I contracted the stupid flu and, as much as it scarred my kids, I might have mentioned to them to say their goodbyes to dear old mom because I'm ready to meet Jesus! I know! Don't say it!

So, fast forward a year or so and we've got the Swine flu! Briege has been at home since Wednesday with a severe cough and a temperature. Half of the people tell me it's just the seasonal "crud" but the other half tell me that it's the Swine flu and that I should take her to get tested for it. Well, the test costs roughly 400 dollars when all is said and done and most insurance doesn't cover it. Do I have to take her to the doctor for them to tell me to keep her hydrated and keep administering Motrin? Duh!

I just would like to dial back the hype and the scare tactics that get ratings. Again, I understand the need for information but we are overdosing on information of all sorts and I've had it! Many times I get made fun of for not having cable television and people mock my rabbit ear antennae but I, for one, do not miss the 24 hour coverage of Obama (both pro and con), the behind the scenes goings on of , and the hours upon hours of scary news stories of a H1N1 flu pandemic in this country. For all that is good and wholesome in this world, I am taking a stand and I am going to control the amount of drama and panic that enters my little house on Holiday Drive!

So there!

Hmmm...Keagan

The last and final submission of the O'Brien kids is Keagan. My youngest, born on Halloween, has provided me the most activity in my life as Mommy. He is an amazing young man that is able to, in a 5 minute span, make me the most frustrated and the most entertained! I am constantly amazed at his ability to creatively make a situation fit to his liking rather than having to adjust his own perception. This trait will serve him well as he gets older but right now I would just like him to conform, dang it!! But, I have come to love this little stinker for everything that he brings to my life.

What I love most about Keagan is that he just exists as though the sun rose this morning for him and for him alone! He has, in his mind, an idea of how things should be run and when it is altered he is thrown and attempts to bring the rest of us around to his way of thinking. Now, don't get me wrong, I love his independent spirit and his huge heart! I do! He is just so different from his other siblings and just when I thought that I had the "manual" memorized, along came Keagan.

I look forward to every day to see what new things Keagan has learned and will teach me. He is well loved in school (he's got a big fan base of 8th graders!) and he is always careful to see that everyone gets a fair deal each and every day. God most definitely has a sense of humor in that He sent me this little bundle of energy as my final gift in the world of motherhood. Thank God for his little dimple as it has saved Keagan on a few occasions but, mostly, thank God for Keagan!

Sweet, Sweet Briege

There are many days that I wonder what it is that I did to deserve an amazing child like Briege. Don't get me wrong, my boys are great and I totally can relate to most of what goes through their minds (well, maybe not totally but somewhat) But, how on earth did I get blessed with Briege? I have been sitting here for over 10 minutes trying to come up with the perfect words to describe this little punk. And...punk just isn't the right word for her!

I was blessed with finding out that I was pregnant with Briege on Valentine's day. I pretty much hate Valentine's day with all of its superficial meaning but it changed on that day for me. I wasn't quite sure that I was ready for another child but, what the heck! And, out she came - all 10 pounds of her! She was the most perfect baby ever - perfectly round head, slight reddish tint to her hair, and the most adorable blue eyes ever! With this came colic but it didn't last long and she blossomed (gosh, I hate that word but it fits for Briege) into this kind, sweet, caring, sensitive, talented, smart, faithful young lady.

I can always count on Briege for just about anything. I have never had to spank her or give her a time out - EVER. If there is a time for disciplinary action because of a rare "slip-up" she has already decided what her punishment should be. I, then, never have the heart to follow through with the punishment because it came so selflessly for her. I wish that I could more eloquently describe how much I love this little ray of sunshine!

When her daddy died, my little Briege was so confused and just wanted, in some way, to see him one more time. Not for her own sake but because she wasn't quite sure if she gave him enough hugs to remember in Heaven. She feels things very deeply so the loss of Bill hurt her amazing heart more than the others. What is beautiful about Briege is that she just feels what she feels and believes in the amazing love of God in helping her get through each and every day - even if it's filled with all of these stinky boys! I, truly, am humbled to be Briege's mom!

My Murphy!

I thought it would be nice to write about each of my kids - separately, not as one giant glob of children. Today, I start with my baby, my oldest, my clone, my Murphy! He truly is my Heaven-sent gift from God! When I was pregnant back in 1990, it was God's plan that that baby was supposed to be a gift for another family and God rewarded my obedience and my sacrifice with a precious gift, on my birthday, of Murphy.

He is quickly growing up to be a strong and confident young man. I am proud of the way that he makes friends with all sorts of different boys (and some girls) He doesn't limit himself to only befriending those kids that have similar interests. He is friends with kids that play sports and those that don't; he doesn't care about the color of their skin or the size of their houses; he doesn't care whether they are funny or more quiet. What I love about Murphy is the size of his heart. He would rather hang out with someone that likes a good giggle than someone who chooses to pick on someone to get a giggle. He is sensitive to the girls and doesn't mind including them in his activities. He may very well be on the verge of "liking" them and I'm not willing to see it yet but I still admire that he isn't afraid to be seen talking or playing with them. It could be that he's being raised by a single mother and I've stressed the point that it doesn't matter about the differences only about the size of the heart in the person. I may not have said that in so many words but he's seen that example at home.

I cannot believe that he is 5'5"! He is to the beginning of my shoulder and I firmly believe that he will be as tall as me by 8th grade! How does this happen? I know that it is such a cliche for parents to say that it's gone by so fast but it has! Although, there are days that I don't feel like the day will EVER end, it does and before I know it, Murphy is five.feet.five.inches! Repeat FIVE.FEET.FIVE.INCHES! This doesn't make me feel old, it just makes me excited to see what is coming around the corner.

I love my Murphy! He's the one of my children that is most like me! We like the same things - ND football, the Yankees, taco salads, being the first to put our seat belts on (it's all about the race, people!), a good joke, having people think we're funny, and so much more. I worry, sometimes, the effect it will have on Murphy by not having a father around but then he does something or says something that erases that fear. He is a great kid and I am privileged and blessed to call myself "Murphy's Mom!"

Football Moment

You know, I have always felt a little disdain for Charlie Brown because, seriously, how could one person be duped that often by the same trick? How does he not know that Lucy is going to pull the football away at the last second? Why does he continue to fall for it? Does he, somehow, enjoy the pain or does he want Lucy to feel guilty for hurting him? Perhaps my disdain stems from the fact that I relate to Charlie Brown in many ways. My own blindness has caused me to fall for the same football trick over and over again! I simply refuse to believe that people can hurt me until (wait for it) I get hurt and then I am terribly confused and, well, hurt. So, here I am, going through another "Charlie Brown Football Moment" and wondering how it is that I ended up on my arse and how it is that I fell for it again! And with that, I leave you with this:




PS. Please have some compassion for Charlie Brown as he hopes against hope that this time it will be different. There are a lot of us out there like him and we just wish that the Lucys of the world would hold the damn football!

Please...

Dearest Lord, I thank You for the gift of rain but, please, make it stop! It is sucking the life right out of me! I believe that the farmers are satisfied and the geologists/meteorologists/anthropologists/whaterologists are good! More than that, your friend, Kelly, needs it to stop raining. This is way worse than a huge snowfall in December (or January or February) At least with snow, you can dress up warmly and plunge head first into it. We can't do this with a cold and steady rain. Well, one COULD but why? It's depressing! What say You, God? I love you, though :)

All Three (and one)

They're all in school now, ladies and gentlemen (or perhaps my readership is just at one so, lady)

Sugar de Booger


Happy start to a happy day!


Briege - 4th grader


Keagan - Pre-K


Murphy - 6th grader

How Is It Possible?

How is it possible that school starts on Wednesday? I mean it! I'm not ready; I've got no school supplies purchased; poor Murphy will be stuck wearing size 12 pants that don't quite reach the tops of his shoes; oh, and his shoes! Lordy, his shoes! He's got no shoes except for a pair with 2 large holes on the bottom! What happened to me? Why am I so ill-prepared for the start of the school year? Don't tell me it's because "We really didn't have much of a summer" because I loved (LOVED) the mild summer temps this year yet I believe it may have hurt my preparedness!

When it is so hot that your feet stick to the pavement, then I'm ready for school. So, blame me, people! I'm the reason that the hot weather came with less than a week left before school. God knew that I needed a reminder that it was, indeed, August and that school (at least in God-forsaken Indiana) starts mid-August when your eye lids stick together because they have melted from the sweat pouring down your face.

It probably didn't help that baseball, yep I said baseball, just ended today. We've been playing (well, not WE necessarily) baseball since April! It has just taken up every spare moment and ran right smack into the beginning of football. Now, that signals the beginning of school - football! So, maybe it isn't my fault that summer came so "late" and maybe, just maybe, the world does not really revolve around my ability or INability to be prepared for the new school year. I'm going to have to ponder this fact a bit...

Really?

My goodness! Do I have nothing to share about my life? Has it come to this? I have become one of those moms that can only think to post things about her kids. That's ok, isn't it? Now that baseball is over I can't think of a thing to write about! See? Now I'm even ending my sentences with prepositions! What has happened to me and to my "gift" of writing?

I vow to post something once a week! Vow, really? Can I be more dramatic? I guess I just need something to hold me accountable and the word vow makes me feel accountable. So, I won't count this as a post because all it has been is a tongue-lashing at myself by myself. But, just you wait!

11 Year Old District Champs!!

No one had faith in these boys - except these boys! I am very proud of our little scrappers who came out of the loser's bracket to win the championship! I am most proud of my Murphy who overcame a crushing loss on Wednesday night to come back and lead his team on Saturday morning to victory! It was a true team effort and it was nice to see every one be a "hero"
Here are some pictures of the day:

The Hijacking

Can someone tell me when the bad guys hijacked little league? I mean, seriously!! I know that we had over-zealous coaches and big mouth parents in "our day" but it just doesn't seem like the same thing anymore! Gone are the chants of "Hey batter, batter!" and in come the chants (from the stands, mind you) of "Get your glove dirty!" or "Get your heads out of your butts" and my favorite, said to my son (I know that I'm more sensitive when the criticism is thrown at my boy) "Just because you're throwing strikes doesn't mean you get to admire your pitching!"

Who did it? When did it happen? Little league used to be someplace that your parents dropped you off at in order for you to PLAY A GAME of baseball/softball with your friends. Sure, my parents made it to every game but I only knew they were there when they handed me my thermos of water. (Notice that I didn't say my 2 liter bottle of G2 or whatever!) Only then did I realize that parents were even there! Well, there was this one time that my mom stood up to the little league bully dad and we saw the shouting and then I knew they were there but that is the only time that I remember them being there.

Now we have moms and dads, well mostly dads, that have put their hopes in their sons and daughters making it big! Are they hoping for the pros or is it merely a scholarship hope? And have they forgotten that these are just kids that haven't even made it to high school yet? We have parents that keep their own book on the sidelines so as to be at the ready when "the scouts call" and we have parents that just feel it's necessary to fill every moment with their constant comments and criticisms of every kid (except their own, naturally) Who hijacked little league?

What's the answer? I'm all for the contract policy. This is handed to each and every parent stating what is expected of them at practices and games. It demands that the only person that instructs the kid during little league at the park is, gasp, the coach(es)! It states that breaking any of the rules of the contract will result (not could) in their being asked to leave the stands. Go sit in the outfield or in your car or, better yet, go home and LET THE KIDS PLAY! Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of bad coaches but I allowed them to be the coach anyway! I trusted that I raised a relatively smart child and that they can figure out what is working for them as they got older.

Gone are the "Little League Ball Rats". You know, the kid that drags his mitt onto the edge of his handle bars of his rusty bike and just goes to the park 3 hours before his/her game and stays 3 hours after their game. This certainly couldn't happen now with the $50 bat bags filled with complete catching gear, 3 or 4 $200 bats, their glove, their catcher's mitt, their first baseman's glove, and several right out of the box baseballs. I'm not criticizing those that have bought these things for their kids I just wonder when and where does it end? Ok, here we go, but whatever happened to using the same ratty ball time and time again and using the bat that is in the coach's bag? If I buy a $250 DeMarini bat can you guarantee me that my kid is going to get a hit? I know that there is a science that we didn't have in "our day" and maybe it does insure more hits or further hit balls by using the latest in bats but for what purpose? Again, is this for the scouting report?

I miss little league! I miss it for my kids! I know they aren't suffering for it because, ultimately, they are playing a game with their friends but it's changed and it saddens me. I'm hoping that by the time that Keagan is playing little league I will have gotten all of this out of my system and that I am able to just watch and clap and eat the dang popcorn from the concession stand. Then, I'd like to just get in my mini-van and go home with no need to dissect every call, every pitch, every at bat, every opponent. Who hijacked little league?

10 Things I'm Loving Right Now

1.Someone Else's 2 Year Old :)

2. Summer Freckles

3. Hot Summers at the Zoo

4. Child-like Admiration

5. Yucky Fun

6. Keagan's Energy

7. Fun with Friends

8. Sugar-licious

9. Can't Forget This

10. Love

Flowers

I have loved photography for such a long time and I like to pretend that I'm good at it! Let's pretend, shall we, that these pictures were taken with a $2,000 camera and taken by a trained professional. Do it for the flowers, will ya?