Friday, May 28, 2010

Melancholy



I've been feeling quite melancholic the past few days. I can't put my finger on the reason(s) behind the emotions and I'm trying to give myself permission to have days like this without having to justify it. I've been thinking quite a bit about the baby that I placed for adoption. I'm not sure what has triggered the sudden influx of thoughts about him. It may be because I have a nephew that is roughly Joseph's age and he's graduating from high school this year. Or, it may be because my youngest son "graduated" from Pre-K and now moves on to all day kindergarten (ALL.DAY.) It may be because I watched Oprah (that darned Oprah!) and her show was all about reunions. The thoughts and feelings about Joseph came to a head as I watched reunited birth mothers and adopted children. Oddly enough, none of them were boys. All of the children being reunited were girls/women. It gave me pause...

Joseph is 19 1/2 years old and I've longed for him to suddenly have this strong desire to find me. I've prayed for it secretly. I don't dare to proclaim this desire for fear of rejection or for fear that it makes me seem vulnerable and not so tough. It's weird being a birth mother. I'm not sure where I fit when it comes to it all. Now that I have children of my own, I understand the protective nature of being a mother - whether that child comes from within your own womb or from the womb of someone else, it doesn't matter - so I can relate to the fear, the vulnerability of potentially having to "share" my child with someone else. So, what to do with the motherly desires to see and hold my first born child? Is it ok to have such desires? Why do I feel like I'm cheating on Murphy when I call Joseph my first born child? Why do I feel like I'm coveting a bond that isn't mine to desire? What do I do with these emotions?

Is it little of me to want someone to comfort me over this? Does it diminish the sacrifice if I am sad or I get wistful? With whom do I share any of this? I have no one to share in these emotions because there really is no one that can understand. I know I can seek out a support group or talk to a counselor/therapist but I just want someone that I love to help me through this because they just know what it's like. I know it's been 19 1/2 years, get over it, right? Why are these emotions surfacing?

I want someone to tell me it's ok for me to seek information about Joseph. I want someone to tell me that they'll be there for me every step of the way. I don't want any more people to tell me that it would be better if I waited for him to contact me in case I get hurt or rejected. Maybe I'd take the hurt and the rejection over the not knowing. I just want to take a peek at his little face. I just want to smell his hair. I just want to kiss his cheeks. I just want to tell him that he is and has always been loved. I just want to know what he has thought about me these past 19 1/2 years. I just want...

I'll wait until he seeks me. That's what a mother does, she waits.


Psalm 40
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Red-Headed Stepchild



18 May 2010
Red-headed Stepchild

It's possible my skin is a bit thinner than usual these days, due to home life busyness and chaos that's more ramped-up than normal, but I am so sick to death of hearing from Protestants that I'm not a Christian, or I'm not saved, or I'm lost and confused, or blah, blah, blah.

Sheesh. Give me a break already. You'd think the Bible fell out of the sky one day, leather-bound with a concordance, and landed in Luther's or Calvin's hands and prior to that, nobody had heard the word of God before. You'd think that Christian churches simply sprang up out of thin air in the year 1500 or so, and prior to that Christianity was waiting in limbo to be shared with the world.

Catholics are not the red-headed stepchild of Christianity. We are not pagans, heathens, or idolaters.

This kind of petty, ignorant, and pig-headed crap has to stop. I have never in my life presumed to tell a Protestant that they're not going to Heaven, or they don't know Jesus, or they're not saved, or blah, blah, blah. How could I possibly make such a pronouncement? What grief we must inflict on Jesus' heart with our stupid nonsense.

I could never not be Catholic. I have found it to be the fullness of the Christian faith and I will never settle for anything less. I could not live without His body and blood. I believe Jesus built His Church on the Rock of St. Peter and since then, it has continued and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

I'm sad and sorry for the splintered Christianity that exists today, and I pray that we will all be one again soon. In the meantime, I love my brothers and sisters in Christ; I learn from them and take inspiration from them; I am often so amazed and blessed by them. I just wish some of them could stop nailing their personal manifestos to the door already.



*I got this from mychocolatehart.blogspot.com and I am reposting it here because it really hit me especially hard today. I have been involved in several dramatic "Whore of Babylon" discussions in the past week and, folks, I'm weary! Do I believe that being a Catholic gets me into God's Graces more quickly? Heck no! But I would rather chop off a limb than not receive the Eucharist and the Precious Blood - a limb, I tell 'ya!!! I believe, also, in the greatest commandment and that is to love one another as God loves us. I'm no touchy-feely gal but I do believe that the greatest tool of converting someone is to be so stinkin' on fire for God through loving others and Christ above all that people will wonder what the heck you're learning! And, I'll gladly share with them the beauty, the sacredness, the wonder, the history, the miracle that is the Catholic Church!*

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Cubs Game - 5/15/10

Went to the Cubs game on Saturday with Murphy, Keagan, Bill, and Alex. It was super chilly but super fun! I sure love Chicago but, with all of the traffic headaches, would not want to live in or around the city! UGH!
ps. Briege stayed home to hang out with her Nana and Papa!






Monday, May 10, 2010

Very Sweet!

Q&A from StoryCorps on Vimeo.



Joshua Littman, a 12-year-old boy with Asperger’s syndrome, interviews his mother, Sarah. Joshua’s unique questions and Sarah’s loving, unguarded answers reveal a beautiful relationship that reminds us of the best—and the most challenging—parts of being a parent.

To learn more about StoryCorps, visit storycorps.org

Friday, May 7, 2010

I Am Nothing by Jeremy Camp

I'm being lazy posting all of these "copied" posts and videos but they are speaking to me where I am so I thought it was worth sharing with all of my loyal readers (I mean reader!! Thanks, Dorrie!!)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Medjugorje



*Music: Gospa Majka Moja by Michael Baru

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Weep



29 April 2010

Weep, Rachel! Baby Boy Aborted Alive and Left to Die
from Catholic Online by Jennifer Hartline


I would have taken him in a heartbeat and loved him. You probably would have as well. I know there are countless couples out there who would have given anything for the gift of him. I know when you read about what happened to him, you will be as angry as I am at this moment. Then you will, hopefully, weep as I am at this moment. He deserves every tear we can shed and then some.

The story of this horrible evil deserves righteous anger. It is entirely appropriate to scream and wail. There doesn't seem to be nearly enough wailing – that may be what is beginning to bother me most. I am enraged by the overriding hush.

The UK Telegraph reported April 28 that in the town of Rossano, Italy, a 22 week-old baby boy was aborted alive, wrapped in a sheet with his umbilical cord still attached and left alone to die. 20 hours later, he was discovered by a priest who went to pray beside his body and noticed that the baby was moving and breathing. Doctors then had the baby taken to a neighboring hospital to be cared for in a neonatal intensive care unit, where he ultimately died, nearly two days after being ripped from his mother's womb and discarded like trash.

His mother decided to end his life because prenatal scans suggested he was disabled. Suggested. Possibly disabled; declared unworthy to live. He was murdered by heartless animals wearing lab coats, who have medical degrees hung in frames on their office walls. He was handed over to death by the one who was entrusted by God with his care, and he was killed and thrown away by those who take an oath to “first do no harm.”

It's time to stop tip-toeing around, sugar-coating our language for fear of sounding offensive. What's offensive is what was done to this child. What's offensive is the barbaric execution of babies in the womb in the name of “reproductive freedom.” What's offensive is that societies at large turn their eyes away, pretend not to notice, and justify the evil being masqueraded as a “right.”

How I long to hear Rachel weeping! How I long to see her wail at the top of her lungs, cover her head with ashes and mourn for her children! “A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more.” Jeremiah 31:15

Instead, it is the anti-Rachel who presently exerts her influence and power over us. The anti-Rachel is heard in the voice of Planned Parenthood, NARAL, NOW, Emily's List, Catholics for Choice, Catholics United, the judges and politicians who protect abortion “rights” and yes, our President. The anti-Rachel sits in the seat of power in our country and around the world, and weeping for our children has been eschewed; now we declare victory and “freedom” won by their calculated deaths.

The anti-Rachel said just today that abortion must be kept safe and legal and whether or not it is rare is beside the point.
“If those 1.21 million abortions represent only the women who could access abortion financially, geographically or otherwise, then that number is too low. Yes, too low....Do we dare admit that increasing the number of abortions might be not only good for women's health, but also moral and just?” RHReality Check, “Keep Abortion Safe and Legal? Yes. Make it Rare? Not the Point.” by Aimée Thorne-Thomsen

I would love to hear Ms. Thorne-Thomsen defend what was done to that baby boy in Italy this week, and defend it she must if she insists abortion is just and moral!


Where is the statement from Planned Parenthood extolling the courageous service of this doctor in providing the mother the “reproductive health services” she needed? It should not make one iota of difference to them how this baby died. All that matters is that his mother wanted him killed and the doctor tore him out of the womb. As long as he ultimately died, the details are irrelevant. After all, abortion is abortion is abortion. What difference does it make how it's accomplished? So what if the insentient blob of tissue, the little parasite, the disabled fetus, the unplanned and unwanted intruder doesn't die right away? Whether in the womb, halfway out of the womb, or delivered and laying on an instrument table, who cares? So what if it dies hours or days later, having been thrown in the corner with the dirty laundry?

No, the voices of anti-Rachel cannot be sad for the death of this baby boy. Death is the necessary fruit of their labors. The most they can do is plead for the cause of better-trained doctors who are responsible and skilled enough to make sure they get the job done right on the first try. The tragedy for them here is that yet another doctor has failed to provide women the care they deserve.

The manner of this child's death is horrifying beyond belief, but it's not the location of his death that makes it a homicide! He was the very same 22 week-old infant hours earlier when he was kicking and growing inside his mother's womb! He was the very same human being the moment he died as the moment before he was aborted. That he died slowly, nearly two days after the abortion, only means he was clumsily murdered.

I know there will be many people in many countries who will be outraged over this child's death. They may weep and feel furiously angry. But will it matter? When the next opportunity comes to usher Rachel into the seat of power, that laws of life may be written in place of the current laws of death, will the millions remember this little boy and their anger over his murder?

In our own nation, will the millions who say they recognize the humanity of the child in the womb remember this precious child and finally denounce the mythical “right” of abortion? Will they take their anger to the ballot box in defense of the sanctity of human life?

Will Catholics in America finally live the undeniable truth of the faith they claim to believe? Human life is sacred and created by God. Abortion kills a child. No one has the right to kill a child. Abortion is intrinsically evil. This is what the Church teaches, yet scores of self-described Catholics either brush aside or flat-out reject this truth and carry the banner of “choice” instead. Why?

Why would this child's death have been legal, moral, just, and acceptable if only he had died immediately?

How long will we choose the curse over the blessing?

Why isn't Rachel's weeping a deafening roar?

Rachel absolutely must refuse to be comforted over the brutal death of this child and every child who is killed in the name of “choice.”

(This boy was killed in Italy, but it happens here in the U.S. more than anyone will admit, despite our Born Alive Infant Protection Act. Read more at Jill Stanek.)