Awake!

There's so much happening around me...yet, I feel like I'm the only one not moving! I am trying so hard to remain/get/arrive in a prayerful and peaceful state but it's not working. Christmas is difficult for me. I'm not going to cry about being lonely for Christmas because it's not that. I guess I'm just a bit sad at having to do it by myself. Not resentful because of it but sad. It might be easier if I didn't know what it was like to have someone to share these things but I do remember. No one was a bigger kid than Bill! He knew exactly which presents to set up the night before while all I thought about was getting the dishes done so I wouldn't have to do them in the morning. Or he knew how to ensure the kids couldn't sneak a peek at the tree without our knowledge while I thought about who was going to eat the 'Santa' cookies left out for the big guy (gal)

It wasn't or it isn't that I'm not nostalgic and traditional and all of those things because I am. It's just that it's much easier as a team because you have a checks and balance thing going! It has worked for me to be the task master and now that it's just me, I see that I can't always have my task master hat on and it's stuck! I have a difficult time relaxing. It's not that I'm a stick in the mud or mean it's just that I don't know how to stop thinking about all of the necessary things to be done and just be awake.

It has become more evident since being back in the dating world. I see that I am very, very rusty when it comes to letting someone do anything for me. It is hard to relax and let another person be the fun one and just be awake. I long to be that casual person EVERY.ONCE.IN.A.WHILE. But...I have realized that it has served my family well for me to be the task master. I also have realized that the kids are older and we all need to evolve and roll with the changes ahead. We (well, come on -ME!) need to let go some of the tasks reserved for the task master and share it. It's still not the same as sharing the Christmas lists with one's spouse but it isn't all bad either.

I am going to pray in the next few days for that peace and that "relaxation" to come across me and to be thankful and loving and calm and AWAKE!

Football Moment

You know, I have always felt a little disdain for Charlie Brown because, seriously, how could one person be duped that often by the same trick? How does he not know that Lucy is going to pull the football away at the last second? Why does he continue to fall for it? Does he, somehow, enjoy the pain or does he want Lucy to feel guilty for hurting him? Perhaps my disdain stems from the fact that I relate to Charlie Brown in many ways. My own blindness has caused me to fall for the same football trick over and over again! I simply refuse to believe that people can hurt me until (wait for it) I get hurt and then I am terribly confused and, well, hurt. So, here I am, going through another "Charlie Brown Football Moment" and wondering how it is that I ended up on my arse and how it is that I fell for it again! And with that, I leave you with this:




PS. Please have some compassion for Charlie Brown as he hopes against hope that this time it will be different. There are a lot of us out there like him and we just wish that the Lucys of the world would hold the damn football!

How Is It Possible?

How is it possible that school starts on Wednesday? I mean it! I'm not ready; I've got no school supplies purchased; poor Murphy will be stuck wearing size 12 pants that don't quite reach the tops of his shoes; oh, and his shoes! Lordy, his shoes! He's got no shoes except for a pair with 2 large holes on the bottom! What happened to me? Why am I so ill-prepared for the start of the school year? Don't tell me it's because "We really didn't have much of a summer" because I loved (LOVED) the mild summer temps this year yet I believe it may have hurt my preparedness!

When it is so hot that your feet stick to the pavement, then I'm ready for school. So, blame me, people! I'm the reason that the hot weather came with less than a week left before school. God knew that I needed a reminder that it was, indeed, August and that school (at least in God-forsaken Indiana) starts mid-August when your eye lids stick together because they have melted from the sweat pouring down your face.

It probably didn't help that baseball, yep I said baseball, just ended today. We've been playing (well, not WE necessarily) baseball since April! It has just taken up every spare moment and ran right smack into the beginning of football. Now, that signals the beginning of school - football! So, maybe it isn't my fault that summer came so "late" and maybe, just maybe, the world does not really revolve around my ability or INability to be prepared for the new school year. I'm going to have to ponder this fact a bit...

Really?

My goodness! Do I have nothing to share about my life? Has it come to this? I have become one of those moms that can only think to post things about her kids. That's ok, isn't it? Now that baseball is over I can't think of a thing to write about! See? Now I'm even ending my sentences with prepositions! What has happened to me and to my "gift" of writing?

I vow to post something once a week! Vow, really? Can I be more dramatic? I guess I just need something to hold me accountable and the word vow makes me feel accountable. So, I won't count this as a post because all it has been is a tongue-lashing at myself by myself. But, just you wait!

Flowers

I have loved photography for such a long time and I like to pretend that I'm good at it! Let's pretend, shall we, that these pictures were taken with a $2,000 camera and taken by a trained professional. Do it for the flowers, will ya?

Images from Iran

“…hope is not simply a feeling. Hope says, “awake, O Sleeper, arise from death!” Hope is the builder of bridges, the tamer of winds, the harnesser of ideas and possibilities. A poor man with hope is immeasurably richer than a wealthy man without it, because he carries within him the spark that can alight a thousand tomorrows.”

So?

...And, oh yeah, I know! You know that I know, right? The blog is different! Again! But, the flip-flop page was waaaay too busy and the colors were really not suited to me. I tried to find a background of just a few flip-flops on a neutral color but I couldn't. So, I found this one that incorporates my love of red and my love of neutrals. I loathe cherries but I love the colors and that there are not a million cherries in a pastel background. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I know that you know!