My Apologies

It seems as though I am always apologizing lately. I'm apologizing because I dare to have an opinion on a particular political candidate - code for: Obama. In my opinion, he is down-right evil! I realize that some may say that he may be misguided or that he merely shares a different political agenda that I do but, as for me, the writing is on the wall; the proof is in the pudding; where there's smoke there's fire! Take, for just one tiny example, as part of his lovely Obamacare MANDATE (not suggestion, not choice, but MANDATE) there are frightening little bonuses that allow states, such as Oregon (and any other state that would allow or propose it) the following: "With back-to-school season in full swing across the nation, parents in Oregon have more to worry about than shopping for sweaters and purchasing pencils. In the state of Oregon, the Obamacare mandate, which went into effect on August 1, 2012, provides free sterilizations to girls as young as fifteen. Now, your daughter, your high school freshman, can choose, without your consent, to be permanently sterilized." What the heck?? Am I to apologize because MY president is proposing that states should have the freedom to allow their young people to be sterilized at ages as young as 15 without parental consent and this saddens me? I'm apologizing for what? I'm apologizing because I, personally, have not had a tubal ligation, been on the pill, or used a condom to prevent children. Now, do NOT get me wrong, this is what I have done personally - never in my interaction with anyone have I judged someone that has taken this path. I realize we all have our own paths and we all are doing what we feel is right and just in our own lives. Here comes the but in my statement: But, do not ask me to apologize because I have NOT chosen this path. If you feel guilty or feel judged because I'm not patting you on the back for these choices and telling you, "Hurrah", then that's something you should examine. And, don't expect me NOT to tell you why I have made these choices if YOU ask me!! 'Cause, I'm gonna tell you if YOU ask - I very rarely offer my opinions on things that may cause hurt unless someone, pointedly, asks me my opinion or asks me why I don't believe in using any of these things. I'm apologizing because I dare to correct someone when they, verbatim, make a false statement about the Catholic Church...MY Catholic Church! One example, recently, was a statement about yoga and the Catholic Church. The person stated that the reason that yoga is frowned upon by Catholics is because of yoga's former pagan roots. This is a completely false characteristic of why the Catholic Church has stated that practicing yoga is contrary to CHRISTIAN and Catholic principles because of its CURRENT connection to New Age mysticism found in NON-CHRISTIAN religions like Hinduism and Budhism. Yet, I am asked to "lighten up" and to "shut up" about correcting the statement which portrays MY Church in a false light - making Catholics seem like we just sit in our rockers thinking of ways to be buzz-kills!! "Yoga is incompatible with Catholicism because the best known practice of Hindu spirituality is Yoga. “Inner” Hinduism professes pantheism, which denies that there is only one infinite Being who created the world out of nothing." - FATHER JOHN HARDON, S.J. Yep, I'm only citing one priest because his explanation makes sense and I need nothing more to "convince" me to stay away from yoga. Is there only one way to exercise and relax? Are we just so obsessed with finding ways to de-program that we are willing to engage in practices that shift focus away from Christ towards a more self-centered approach to life? I know, I don't get it because I am a lazy gal whose only job it is to be a stay-at-home mother. Therefore, I apologize...groan! I'm apologizing because my "friends" just don't have time to be friends. I would know that if I actually had a J.O.B. I apologize because it is impossible to return a text from me with the words; "BUZZ OFF" or "MISS YOU" or "LEAVE ME ALONE" or... I apologize because it must take hundreds of seconds to type out an email catching up with me or, on the contrary, telling me to get lost! I aplogize because returning a phone call must take hours. I mean punching in 10 numbers - exhausting! I know I sound bitter and perhaps I am. I am sad that years of tears and laughter and advice and chats about nothing and everything all seem to be worth nothing anymore. It is particularly painful because I live in a new (relatively) place without the attachments of years of friendship in my pocket like everyone else here seems to have. I value and I am open to new friendships every day and I am still hopeful it will happen to me here in Ohio. I guess I just never thought that I would be that friend. The one that people just forget about because it's all "out of sight: out of mind" kind of a thing. I mean I'm 41, not 17!! I'm capable of making a new marriage work, incorporating his 2 sons in to my life, driving my oldest 25 miles away for baseball practice 3 times a week, coaching eleven 12 year old girls the game of volleyball 3 times a week, and also preparing my son for high school and my 2 younger kiddos for another year at their school all while my husband travels 4 days a week. Yep, I can sure manage a 10 minute phone call in there and I can figure out how to pound on my keyboard to shoot an email and I, most definitely, know how to point my chubby fingers across my QWERTY phone to send a text. But, I apologize for being an obligation - my bad! MY APOLOGIES!

More Pictures

I have plenty of time to write in the blog but just haven't felt moved to do so. But, I have been busy taking lots of pictures, attending a ton of baseball games, and entertaining my kids this summer. Here are some pictures of our summer so far:

Ha!

I needed a little levity today - it may not be the most reverent thing to post but it sure gave me a case of the giggles!! Ha!

My Version of a Photo Dump

I don't have a smart phone so I can't post some cool photo dump that people with the iPhones periodically do and I don't have any cool apps to make my photos look old or whatever. What I do have is a camera and I take it everywhere and so I'm going to dump some of my more recent photos on here. Why? Because I love my family, I love our travels, and I love our life :) Basketball in the c-c-c-old!

Briege & Keagan toughing it out in the cold - there's that Indiana blood :)

Better weather for some b-ball w/ Briege, Keagan, and Murphy

...again

St. Ignatius class of 2016!!

Bill and Sugar (before her summer shave - she looks like a homeless dish rag in the picture)

First time on an airplane - going to Bonita Springs, FL (Easter Break 2012)

The kiddos in the airport

Finally, pool time!!!

Lots of "in the air" shots at the pool

The kids first day on Barefoot Beach in Bonita Springs

Amazing sunsets in Florida

Keagan, well, being Keagan - hee hee!

Briege and hubby, Bill

The Family in Bonita 2012

Gobbly-guk

I have certainly neglected pouring my thoughts on this here blog lately, sorry! Of course, my apologies are not because my huge following of readers cannot live without my thoughts and musings but the apology is directed at myself. Writing is a wonderful release for me and I have MUCH to release at this point in my life! I'm sure that this blog post is going to be full of spelling errors, grammatical errors (is it gramatical? See??), and the mother of all run-on sentences but I just need to put thoughts on "paper". So grin and bear it...please. It is graduation time in our extended household. Murphy graduates from the 8th grade this year. I am so proud of him as he is such an amazing young man. He's funny, sweet, talented, and I cannot wait to continue to watch him mature! It is a little bittersweet as all of these "end of middle/grade school" activities are at this new school. If I had to pick out kids, from his school, in a line-up, I could perhaps pick out maybe 11 boys and 2 girls. Compare this with his classmates from previous years - I coached many of the girls in volleyball and have had several of the boys over to my house. It is hard when it comes time for huge events like the May Crowning when the two 8th graders chosen are kids that I do not even recognize. I know, it's not about me and I embrace all of this as I don't want Murphy to look back and remember his nutball mother as ruining his year. It is also graduation time for Alex. He graduates from high school and moves on to KSU in the fall. It's exciting for him - he's a sweet kid and I pray he does well. With it has come the snarkiness from the ex-wife (not my ex-wife, of course!) as to how much SHE believes we should kick in for our portion (I say our because, although he is not my son, financial decisions affect me) Apparently, in her "Parent Book", college tuition is OWED to one's graduating senior. And, so given all that she has had to pay for out of pocket throughout the years (yeah, apparently, child support doesn't count) we should pay half - which is roughly $9000 a year. Really? When the amount was disputed, her response was, "Why doesn't Kelly get a job?" Are you kidding me? I would so love to stick a fork in her ear! And the saga continues... Have I mentioned how homesick I am...STILL? I repeatedly am told that it could or should take about 2 years for me to feel like this my home. 2 years??? Well, it's been 1 year and I am not an inch closer to feeling any warm and fuzzies for NE Ohio! I try, really I do. I do not sit around crying in my cereal! I volunteer for whatever I can at school; I reach out to other women that I know that stay at home, etc. I'm miserable! I miss my siblings and their children! I cry as I see pictures posted on FB of the birthday parties, graduation parties, cookouts, baseball games, or whatever that I have missed. I know that millions of people live away from their families and have made lives away from their families. I do not want to be Aunt Kelly on the phone - I want to be Aunt Kelly down the street (or at least across town) Which leads me to another thought... It is the year 2012, can we PLEASE stop tearing down other women if they choose to stay at home with kids, stay at home without kids, work away from home, work at home, have children, don't have children, have 12 children, have 3 children, on and on! I am certain that I judge people according to what I see but I always take the time before opening my big, fat mouth. I don't feel like it's my job to point out why my way is the best way and things like that. I have lovely people in my life that have all sorts of reasons for the choices they've made in their lives and I love them anyway. If I don't happen to agree with them, unless I'm asked (and, sometimes, even if I am) I SHUT UP! But, I am finding that, clearly, not everyone employs this tactic. Within the past 3 weeks, I have been mocked for being a stay-at-home mother by working mothers who do not know me and have never bothered to get to know me! The comments ranged from, "Oh, you're bored...forgot, you're a stay-at-home mom" to "I don't have the option of staying home with MY kids" UGH! We encounter choices every moment along the way and with them come consequences, both good and bad. I like being home when my kids get home from school! That is not to imply that working mothers do not enjoy it but the situation that is right for them is that mom works. I would NEVER judge my friends or family that for whatever reasons do not have children. I have never said, "If you had kids, you would know" There are obvious differences in our life experiences and would never judge someone according to my own idea of what life should be so why don't I get the same respect? I have heard the saying that "You teach people how to treat you" but how am I able to put it out there when I get judged because of my situation? It is a constant suggestion that I get a job - yep, that will take care of MY needs. I'll be more fulfilled; I'll be out of the house; I'll feel smarter and more important but, in MY heart, I feel the need to be home for my kids. Is that bad?? UGH! and UGH! I have repeatedly said this, I know that I am supposed to be in Ohio. As part of the package deal in marrying Bill, I made certain sacrifices...willingly. I can't imagine my life without him in it! I love him, every little part of him (even the crap that drives me BONKERS) So, how do I translate this real love into action? How do I continue to make a life here when he travels a ton and going to visit family is an ordeal? I am starting to see myself getting resentful. I don't want to resent Bill for this move! I continually regroup so that these feelings do not ruin my marriage because I'm in this until death - really I am! I wasn't expecting roses and rainbows and I still don't! I know that marriage is work and I'm working!! I just want to feel (I realize that feelings are not always rational so I don't usually give voice to most of these feelings) protected. I want Bill to reassure me that he's here for me and the kids! I want to feel that he would walk away from all of his connections FOR me like I did FOR him (yikes, there's that bitterness) Which leads me to this final thought... I force myself to pray each and every day. I say "force" because it isn't always easy to communicate with my Loving Father when I feel so unlovable! I know! This has been a constant path for me. My emotions toward God have not changed - they are as deep and as beautiful as always but the disconnect comes from my end. This is why I "force" myself to pray. I want to always stay connected with God and I always will. At the end of the day (heck, at the end of my life) I realize it will be me at Christ's feet pleading for His mercy and I know that He will give it to me as He has every other moment in my life! I also realize that by going to God with my struggles every day, He will bring me through it! And, he has!! With that, I am done... whew

My Tuesday Funny :)

Bonita Springs - Trip #2

Heading to Bonita Springs for Spring Break and I cannot wait!!!