A Struggle that I'll Gladly Accept

It seems just when I am sadly wallowing in some selfish "woe is me" pity-party, the Lord allows other struggles to creep in make my battle with loneliness and homesickness seem like peanuts. I'm not sure that God really knows what He's doing in this case - ha! I do NOT mean that in a blasphemous manner because, of course, I know that God is awesome and knows what He's doing...always. The problem is that He seems to continually hand ME these challenges and struggles. Seriously? I got in to a discussion the other day with someone who said they were against abortion but they were pro-choice. And my response? Went something along the lines of, "I appreciate what you're saying (WHAT?) but I believe in the sanctity of life at all stages." Boy, I showed her, right? UGH! I drew a blank on what to say! I know why I'm pro-life and I know why I love and adore the Catholic Church and all of Her Sacraments but I stink at apologetics. I usually end up stammering something about having the faith of a child - in that I'm not sure how to voice what I believe but that I trust God so completely that I just believe for the sake of belief! Not to say I don't study and grow and learn and question and all of that but, at the end of the day, I just believe.

Now comes the struggle of translating this child-like faith into action because, in fact, I am not a child and I have my own children to help get in to Heaven. This means doing what I can to protect them from the ickiness of the world from secular sources like television, movies, music, and the internet. But, sadly, I'm finding that I am having to protect them more and more from those people and places that are under the banner of our Church. I'm having to do battle with their schools, their teachers, their coaches, and their priests. I mean, come on, it's me, Kelly! When I attempt to discuss my approach with my family or close friends, they always say something like "you're such a rebel" I'm truly not trying to be rebellious or disrespectful. I certainly don't claim to know everything or even a lot about the Church. I do, however, know that it boils down to me arming my children with the best opportunity for Eternal Salvation and that means going to bat (if not war) with those that are under the guise of teaching my kids religion at their Catholic catholic schools.

You know the ones, we must promote anti-bullying because that is what Christ would do if He were here - ok, yes, He most certainly would not do harm physically or emotionally to anyone and fighting for the protection of those affected by bullying is important. But, hey, how 'bout we start with putting Him first!? Let's go to Mass every day or at least every week! Let's not relegate the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass to "special occassions". We pay a TON of money to insure that we have a say in our children's education and we choose a Catholic school because we hope and pray that this will insure they are prepared spiritually for battles with the devil and the sometimes-evil world. So, having my 10th grader (9th grade at the time) read a foul-mouthed book which glorifies masturbation (um, hello, masturbation is a sin - not because the Church teaches that all feed good actions are bad but because masturbation is a form of sex and it is the epitomy of selfishness. It is all about making YOU feel good and has nothing to do with marital blessings! OK, I'm done, sorry) is not exactly a point that makes me want to happily send in my $630 a month in tuition payments. But, I can have a discussion with my son about this and I have and it was productive and good. Unfortunately, many, many families just keep their blinders on and feel like their kids are going to hear about it anyway so why not at a safe place like their local Catholic school? UGH and UGH!

In all seriousness, I thought that was a big enough crisis for me to handle until I got a lovely email from my younger children's Catholic catholic school giving us parents information on the school's retreat team. Three women that have been Catholic their whole lives and have been educated on retreats through an impressive (to them) list of whos-who of spiritual leaders (code for not necessarily Catholic) I hate to say anything uncharitable about these women as they truly feel "called" to do this and they are only following the guidance of, well, someone. OK, I'm totally not saying that three women or even one hundred women cannot put on a faith-filled retreat because I've been to several wonderful ones that were put on primarily by women. But, these retreats all began and/or ended with Mass and also included Eucharistic Adoration and, most times, Confession! They were Catholic first and spiritual second - make sense? The retreat team sent home a "homework" list for us to help prepare our children for their retreats. They listed websites and books to use as a guide. Ummm...WOW! 3 of the 4 websites were filled with all of this crap about "new world" and "inner peacefulness" and "inward/outward spiritualism" What.In.The.World? For maybe every 200 words did I see the word God or Jesus. I guess the retreat team is planning on a retreat filled with meditation, yoga, deep-breathing, and inner peace. Holy Moses!

Let the battle begin...again. I thought I should sit and pray with this new development for a while so as not to go in to attack mode without thinking! I have NO IDEA what I should say or how to phrase it. I know, one thing, and this will be easy - no way are my kids attending these retreats!! They will be staying home and I'll take them to Mass or something. I guess the issue is that I'm continually shocked by all of this! There are a gazillion non-denominational or non-Catholic churches out there, why can't we remain true to OUR Church? Why does everything have to be watered down? This upsets me way more than the book with the masturbation in it (how many times can I say the m word?) I know how to battle that one head on but to go to battle on an issue where I am clearly in the minority scares the crap out of me. Not because I really care about what they will think of me - as of now, they think NOTHING of me or my family so oh well! I care because I want to be a true voice of the Church and I want to approach it in a way that will be helpful and clear. I want them to know we don't have to teach our kids watered down versions of our Faith. We can teach them the amazing gift of the Sacraments and the awe-inspiring blessing of Eucharistic Adoration and we can incorporate that in to the whole anti-bullying crap! We can have it all as long as it starts and ends with the Holy Sacrifice of th Mass!!

Sadly, the problem is that there is no priestly involvement at the school - AT ALL! Whew! Please pray for me as I do battle - that I may be God's voice and that I become less so that God can become more!

...here we go!

My Apologies

It seems as though I am always apologizing lately. I'm apologizing because I dare to have an opinion on a particular political candidate - code for: Obama. In my opinion, he is down-right evil! I realize that some may say that he may be misguided or that he merely shares a different political agenda that I do but, as for me, the writing is on the wall; the proof is in the pudding; where there's smoke there's fire! Take, for just one tiny example, as part of his lovely Obamacare MANDATE (not suggestion, not choice, but MANDATE) there are frightening little bonuses that allow states, such as Oregon (and any other state that would allow or propose it) the following: "With back-to-school season in full swing across the nation, parents in Oregon have more to worry about than shopping for sweaters and purchasing pencils. In the state of Oregon, the Obamacare mandate, which went into effect on August 1, 2012, provides free sterilizations to girls as young as fifteen. Now, your daughter, your high school freshman, can choose, without your consent, to be permanently sterilized." What the heck?? Am I to apologize because MY president is proposing that states should have the freedom to allow their young people to be sterilized at ages as young as 15 without parental consent and this saddens me? I'm apologizing for what? I'm apologizing because I, personally, have not had a tubal ligation, been on the pill, or used a condom to prevent children. Now, do NOT get me wrong, this is what I have done personally - never in my interaction with anyone have I judged someone that has taken this path. I realize we all have our own paths and we all are doing what we feel is right and just in our own lives. Here comes the but in my statement: But, do not ask me to apologize because I have NOT chosen this path. If you feel guilty or feel judged because I'm not patting you on the back for these choices and telling you, "Hurrah", then that's something you should examine. And, don't expect me NOT to tell you why I have made these choices if YOU ask me!! 'Cause, I'm gonna tell you if YOU ask - I very rarely offer my opinions on things that may cause hurt unless someone, pointedly, asks me my opinion or asks me why I don't believe in using any of these things. I'm apologizing because I dare to correct someone when they, verbatim, make a false statement about the Catholic Church...MY Catholic Church! One example, recently, was a statement about yoga and the Catholic Church. The person stated that the reason that yoga is frowned upon by Catholics is because of yoga's former pagan roots. This is a completely false characteristic of why the Catholic Church has stated that practicing yoga is contrary to CHRISTIAN and Catholic principles because of its CURRENT connection to New Age mysticism found in NON-CHRISTIAN religions like Hinduism and Budhism. Yet, I am asked to "lighten up" and to "shut up" about correcting the statement which portrays MY Church in a false light - making Catholics seem like we just sit in our rockers thinking of ways to be buzz-kills!! "Yoga is incompatible with Catholicism because the best known practice of Hindu spirituality is Yoga. “Inner” Hinduism professes pantheism, which denies that there is only one infinite Being who created the world out of nothing." - FATHER JOHN HARDON, S.J. Yep, I'm only citing one priest because his explanation makes sense and I need nothing more to "convince" me to stay away from yoga. Is there only one way to exercise and relax? Are we just so obsessed with finding ways to de-program that we are willing to engage in practices that shift focus away from Christ towards a more self-centered approach to life? I know, I don't get it because I am a lazy gal whose only job it is to be a stay-at-home mother. Therefore, I apologize...groan! I'm apologizing because my "friends" just don't have time to be friends. I would know that if I actually had a J.O.B. I apologize because it is impossible to return a text from me with the words; "BUZZ OFF" or "MISS YOU" or "LEAVE ME ALONE" or... I apologize because it must take hundreds of seconds to type out an email catching up with me or, on the contrary, telling me to get lost! I aplogize because returning a phone call must take hours. I mean punching in 10 numbers - exhausting! I know I sound bitter and perhaps I am. I am sad that years of tears and laughter and advice and chats about nothing and everything all seem to be worth nothing anymore. It is particularly painful because I live in a new (relatively) place without the attachments of years of friendship in my pocket like everyone else here seems to have. I value and I am open to new friendships every day and I am still hopeful it will happen to me here in Ohio. I guess I just never thought that I would be that friend. The one that people just forget about because it's all "out of sight: out of mind" kind of a thing. I mean I'm 41, not 17!! I'm capable of making a new marriage work, incorporating his 2 sons in to my life, driving my oldest 25 miles away for baseball practice 3 times a week, coaching eleven 12 year old girls the game of volleyball 3 times a week, and also preparing my son for high school and my 2 younger kiddos for another year at their school all while my husband travels 4 days a week. Yep, I can sure manage a 10 minute phone call in there and I can figure out how to pound on my keyboard to shoot an email and I, most definitely, know how to point my chubby fingers across my QWERTY phone to send a text. But, I apologize for being an obligation - my bad! MY APOLOGIES!