I'm so excited by the prospect of a new year. I know that many spend that initial first few months trying to live up to some new year's resolution they've set for themselves. I decided that instead of making some grand declaration of a change of some sort that I would spend this year (and beyond) learning to love the person that I am right now! RIGHT.NOW.
This will not be an easy task for me - well, is it for anyone? I tend to see things in a hazy shade when it comes to myself. I see the colors but they are muted as though behind a veil of some sort. That veil is made up of all the little voices that I've heard my whole life. It's amazing how much more vibrant the colors become when one decides to ignore just one of those voices. The first one to ignore? Self-doubt!
I am quite capable of making decisions for myself and for my children even if (and often enough) the decisions don't turn out the way I had planned! This doesn't have to equate to failure. It is about growth! I don't know why I feel as though I get this one shot to do it right and that's it! Where is that written? I have learned so much about myself in the past year. I learned things about myself that I didn't really even know that I needed to know (does that makes sense?) Without going into much detail, (although, there are a few of you that know of which I speak) within this last year, I have stepped into the dating world!
Ummm...yeah, might I say that dating in my late 30s - way different than dating in my mid 20s! On the one hand, thank God! I wouldn't want to re-do my 20s for anything in the entire world! But, on the other hand, the dating "world" has changed immensely in the years since 1996, the year I got married. Besides the fact that I was smokin' hot in my 20s, I also was like a lost sheep looking for anyone to shepherd me home. Apparently, there are lots of willing "shepherds" at 3 am to take lost sheep home - ugh!
The good news about dating in my late 30s (I don't feel right saying just in my 30s as I'm 9 months from my 40th birthday) is that my relationship with God has grown by leaps and bounds! Does this mean that I'm no longer the lost sheep? No! It does, however, mean that I am aware that there really is, indeed, only one Shepherd in which to follow. I may take a meandering path there but I'm following the only Shepherd that I need.
So, for this first part of the new year, I'm focusing on shutting up that pesky little voice called doubt! I plan on kicking doubt's ass and moving on to it's friend named fear! Stay tuned...
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