Pandora's Box

Well, I opened up Pandora's box this morning. I confirmed to Murphy that there was no Santa. To my surprise, he still had total belief in the big guy! When I realized that he totally believed in Santa, I wanted to go back and undo what I had just done! We both had tears in our eyes as the realization suddenly hit us - his childhood suddenly took a turn. I am sure that this is hitting me harder than I thought because he's my first to discover this fact about Santa. My other two will probably find out from him, as I think most younger siblings "find out" about Santa from their older siblings. I wish that I could truly explain how crushed he was to find out the truth! I really thought that, by now, he would have had more suspicions about it all but, obviously, I was wrong!
Now the box is open...
My reasons behind revealing this Santa business to Murphy was to prepare him for a lean Christmas. My kids are not spoiled but at Christmas time, I have managed to find a way to get them the things that they wanted the most. This year, I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. So, I wanted to spare Murphy some disappointment and anger that other kids got way more from Santa than he did. Again, I don't mean to paint a picture that my kids always get what they want - they are aware that there are kids out there with a lot less and they are thankful. The reality of it is that there are always a lot of kids that get the American Girl doll for Christmas where I, in my state in life, cannot afford to spend that much on one gift. This is not to criticize anyone getting their kids high priced items, I am just not there.
Last year, we were visited by the Christmas Commandos. They are a group of anonymous donors that help a family affected by a challenging situation (death, sickness, etc.) and they show up at the family's house undercover of night and leave heaping boxes of presents. It is beautiful and overwhelmingly generous. I will never be able to thank these kind people enough. Now there is this year. How to adequately explain that it is going to be a different kind of a Christmas? I hate all of this commercial crap! I love Christmas and all of its wonder and its holiness! It is quiet and sacred and beautiful! Then it gets all mucked up with the rest of the pressures.
The long and the short of it is that I really wanted to prepare Murphy for a different kind of Christmas. I was soliciting his help in preparing his siblings for the lean Christmas and in the process forced him to grow up a little quicker than either one of us would have liked. I'm sure we'll both get over it but we'll never forget it either.