Friday, February 12, 2010
It's terrifying to put your heart on the line, isn't it? I mean with some it is easy to just blurt out the "I love you" and know you'll get it in return. I am coming out of a relationship where saying I love you was simple and it was passionate but it fizzled. I have nothing bad to say about the relationship other than it burned itself out rather quickly (at least on my part) I roll my eyes that the "experts" were right when it they tell people that it's not the passion that sustains a relationship - that should just be a byproduct of deeper, selfless love (byproduct sounds icky but it is the only word I could think of to use in this case, sorry)
So how, then, does one enter into another relationship without making the same mistakes when it comes to passion and love and intimacy and whatever? The answer, of course, is God! Duh, right? Well, you'd think duh but obviously I'm a thick-headed moron because I used to think that I included God in all my decision making but what I was doing was making my choices and then running to God because they didn't work out as planned. It became that I was only able to love one thing at a time and that's not at all what God wants for us. I loved so fast and deeply very quickly that I just tread all over my relationship with God and He patiently waited while I hurt and now I'm here, wiser for the wear (I pray!)
Enter the new relationship - with its unknown; its butterflies; its, well, newness. I guess why I'm so excited about this wonderful "thing" is that he has an amazing relationship with God and that makes it much easier for me to build on my relationship with God (how many times in one post can I say the word relationship? It should be a drinking game) This is not me inferring that I need a man to determine my course of worship. But, I've been in relationships (drink) with men that had little or no real love of God and it makes it so difficult to be the only one steering the ship the right way. I feel like I need to make a disclaimer on everything but this is not to portray myself as a martyr! I know now that God gave me those opportunities for growth and I pray that I did.
How does one change those familiar habits of diving in head first? I want to just put my heart on the line but I've also learned, the hard way (thank you, God), that I need to do this and all things in God's time. It's just that God's time requires patience and obedience and I stink in those areas! I always want to hurry get there and then when I'm there, it's always empty and never as fulfilling as I thought it would be. I always compare this part of my life with making spaghetti (hello? carb addict, anyone?) There is no rushing the boiling of the pasta? If you put the pasta in before the water is ready, it's never quite right and it tastes spongy. If you put the pasta in and don't wait for it to be ready, again, spongy. It's all a matter of waiting and this is what I intend to do with my new relationship (drink) I so want to experience all that newness and to experience it in the way God intend it. What's nice is so does B!
That makes things much easier!