What's going on in Venezuela

Aborted Baby to Mother

My amazing, 8th grade daughter, Briege Marie, wrote this poem for her English class this year. Powerful. Moving. Beautiful.

Aborted Baby to Mother
Mommy, I love you.
I know you were scared;
Scared of rejection, disapproval,
Scared for you.
But mommy, don’t you love me?
I’m your child, your future.
I follow you like a sheep to its shepherd.
Loyal to its shepherd;
Listening, loving, and obedient.
Mommy, I love you.
I love you so much.
But don’t you love me too?
God made me for you, your very own child.
He gave me your eyes,
Eyes shining brighter than any star in the sky.
Your nose that’s just the right size,
Daddy’s big, powerful laugh that fills the whole room.
But don’t you love me?
Mommy, I miss you.
I want to hear your voice, sweetly singing.
I want to see you smiling at me,
At my attempt to walk or talk.
I want to hear you cheer
When I score a goal at my championship soccer game.
Mommy, do you miss me?
Didn’t your mommy cry when you were a baby like me?
So happy, so excited;
She had a future because of you.
Mommy, can’t I be your future too?
Wait, Mommy you’re crying.
Please don’t. I’m fine.
I’m in Heaven now.
But mommy, you’re not fine.
Why aren’t you eating?
Why aren’t you sleeping?
You’re yelling, mommy.
You’re angry.
Angry, yelling that life is cruel.
Like a breeze,
It can feel good, but cold.
It’s a bittersweet feeling.
Mommy, I love you.
Please don’t be angry. Don’t hate yourself.
Your life is beautiful.
It’s like a rose.
There may be a few thorns in there,
But still beautiful enough to bloom.
Don’t be sad, mommy.
Want to know a secret?
This is what I found out, mommy.
This is what God thinks you should know.
As your guardian angel,
As your little shining star shining only for you,
I feel the need to tell you.
So here it is,
Are you ready?
God forgives you, mommy.
God won’t stop loving you, no matter what.
He loves you too much to stop.
Nothing could change that, mommy.
If you pray to God, mommy,
He’ll help you.
He’ll heal you.
Want to know the first step how?
It’s going to be hard,
But you’re strong, mommy.
So mommy,
Forgive yourself.

AMDG

So proud of Murphy for volunteering to feed the homeless with the Labre Ministry last Sunday night. Bill and Murphy spent 5 hours preparing and packaging and delivering the food to just some of the hundreds (if not thousands) of homeless in Cleveland. They went to places that we drive by everyday without a thought as to the people that are living under those bridges or next to that drainage ditch or in the corner of that parking lot. St. Ignatius High School does this in the spirit of God's Love.
Please watch this 3 minute video - and keep an eye out for the tall red head (you know, the cute one) I'm most touched by seeing the image of my Murphy bent on one knee in front of the Blessed Sacrament. God is good!

You Were on the Cross - Matt Maher

A Struggle that I'll Gladly Accept

It seems just when I am sadly wallowing in some selfish "woe is me" pity-party, the Lord allows other struggles to creep in make my battle with loneliness and homesickness seem like peanuts. I'm not sure that God really knows what He's doing in this case - ha! I do NOT mean that in a blasphemous manner because, of course, I know that God is awesome and knows what He's doing...always. The problem is that He seems to continually hand ME these challenges and struggles. Seriously? I got in to a discussion the other day with someone who said they were against abortion but they were pro-choice. And my response? Went something along the lines of, "I appreciate what you're saying (WHAT?) but I believe in the sanctity of life at all stages." Boy, I showed her, right? UGH! I drew a blank on what to say! I know why I'm pro-life and I know why I love and adore the Catholic Church and all of Her Sacraments but I stink at apologetics. I usually end up stammering something about having the faith of a child - in that I'm not sure how to voice what I believe but that I trust God so completely that I just believe for the sake of belief! Not to say I don't study and grow and learn and question and all of that but, at the end of the day, I just believe.

Now comes the struggle of translating this child-like faith into action because, in fact, I am not a child and I have my own children to help get in to Heaven. This means doing what I can to protect them from the ickiness of the world from secular sources like television, movies, music, and the internet. But, sadly, I'm finding that I am having to protect them more and more from those people and places that are under the banner of our Church. I'm having to do battle with their schools, their teachers, their coaches, and their priests. I mean, come on, it's me, Kelly! When I attempt to discuss my approach with my family or close friends, they always say something like "you're such a rebel" I'm truly not trying to be rebellious or disrespectful. I certainly don't claim to know everything or even a lot about the Church. I do, however, know that it boils down to me arming my children with the best opportunity for Eternal Salvation and that means going to bat (if not war) with those that are under the guise of teaching my kids religion at their Catholic catholic schools.

You know the ones, we must promote anti-bullying because that is what Christ would do if He were here - ok, yes, He most certainly would not do harm physically or emotionally to anyone and fighting for the protection of those affected by bullying is important. But, hey, how 'bout we start with putting Him first!? Let's go to Mass every day or at least every week! Let's not relegate the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass to "special occassions". We pay a TON of money to insure that we have a say in our children's education and we choose a Catholic school because we hope and pray that this will insure they are prepared spiritually for battles with the devil and the sometimes-evil world. So, having my 10th grader (9th grade at the time) read a foul-mouthed book which glorifies masturbation (um, hello, masturbation is a sin - not because the Church teaches that all feed good actions are bad but because masturbation is a form of sex and it is the epitomy of selfishness. It is all about making YOU feel good and has nothing to do with marital blessings! OK, I'm done, sorry) is not exactly a point that makes me want to happily send in my $630 a month in tuition payments. But, I can have a discussion with my son about this and I have and it was productive and good. Unfortunately, many, many families just keep their blinders on and feel like their kids are going to hear about it anyway so why not at a safe place like their local Catholic school? UGH and UGH!

In all seriousness, I thought that was a big enough crisis for me to handle until I got a lovely email from my younger children's Catholic catholic school giving us parents information on the school's retreat team. Three women that have been Catholic their whole lives and have been educated on retreats through an impressive (to them) list of whos-who of spiritual leaders (code for not necessarily Catholic) I hate to say anything uncharitable about these women as they truly feel "called" to do this and they are only following the guidance of, well, someone. OK, I'm totally not saying that three women or even one hundred women cannot put on a faith-filled retreat because I've been to several wonderful ones that were put on primarily by women. But, these retreats all began and/or ended with Mass and also included Eucharistic Adoration and, most times, Confession! They were Catholic first and spiritual second - make sense? The retreat team sent home a "homework" list for us to help prepare our children for their retreats. They listed websites and books to use as a guide. Ummm...WOW! 3 of the 4 websites were filled with all of this crap about "new world" and "inner peacefulness" and "inward/outward spiritualism" What.In.The.World? For maybe every 200 words did I see the word God or Jesus. I guess the retreat team is planning on a retreat filled with meditation, yoga, deep-breathing, and inner peace. Holy Moses!

Let the battle begin...again. I thought I should sit and pray with this new development for a while so as not to go in to attack mode without thinking! I have NO IDEA what I should say or how to phrase it. I know, one thing, and this will be easy - no way are my kids attending these retreats!! They will be staying home and I'll take them to Mass or something. I guess the issue is that I'm continually shocked by all of this! There are a gazillion non-denominational or non-Catholic churches out there, why can't we remain true to OUR Church? Why does everything have to be watered down? This upsets me way more than the book with the masturbation in it (how many times can I say the m word?) I know how to battle that one head on but to go to battle on an issue where I am clearly in the minority scares the crap out of me. Not because I really care about what they will think of me - as of now, they think NOTHING of me or my family so oh well! I care because I want to be a true voice of the Church and I want to approach it in a way that will be helpful and clear. I want them to know we don't have to teach our kids watered down versions of our Faith. We can teach them the amazing gift of the Sacraments and the awe-inspiring blessing of Eucharistic Adoration and we can incorporate that in to the whole anti-bullying crap! We can have it all as long as it starts and ends with the Holy Sacrifice of th Mass!!

Sadly, the problem is that there is no priestly involvement at the school - AT ALL! Whew! Please pray for me as I do battle - that I may be God's voice and that I become less so that God can become more!

...here we go!

Making the Effort

I'm determined to write more on my little blog! Writing forces me to use my dormant brain and I'm able to purge some feelings to save my family from the envitable explosion of emotions!! Until I put my thoughts together, I thought I'd post some pictures - easy, peasy!

March "Glad"ness!

HABEMUS PAPAM!!!

Just the Pope settling his bill at the hotel before heading to the papal apartment!

Pope Francis (as Cardinal) riding the bus instead of taking the limo!
I have been asked by more than a few people what my opinion is about our new pope, Pope Francis. I'm always a little thrown aback when criticisms fly about a man that has only been pope for about 4 days...really??? First of all, do we or do we not believe that the Holy Spirit is in charge of our dear Church? It's the year 2013 and the Church still stands! It stands despite there being years of "false popes", "bought popes", clergy abuse, abuses of Vatican II, and other things! So, I am to understand that we pray to the Holy Spirit (and the Blesed Mother and Our Savior and...)and proclaim that we trust His workings and, yet, have the gaul to question whether this "guy" is the right person for the job of pope? Again...really???
Secondly, what the heck do I know? Really, what do any of us know about the true intentions of the person in which most of us laid eyes on for the first time on the balcony at the Vatican? He's a Jesuit - holy, moly! I know that the United States Jesuits tend to be more focused on social concerns and other more liberal ideologies - hello, Georgetown University - but, hello, University of Notre Dame (NOT a Jesuit-run university) There are problems with all sorts of groups in our Church because, here's the shocker, they are run by flawed humans! And, I believe, the pope is one of those flawed humans but he has been ordained by the H.O.L.Y. S.P.I.R.I.T. to be the rock of our Church and we dare to question his sincerity? 4 days after the election?
This ain't Obama, for goodness sakes! We're not talking about millions of voters with selfish agendas coming together to vote for the president! We have to trust...we have to believe...we have to PRAY!
As for me, I think he seem genuine and sweet and humble and gentle and prayerful and he stands up for life - from conception to natural death! Seems like a win for me - a win for my Church!!

2nd Term - Let's Just Prayerfully Wait...

Just Sittin' Here...Hoping

It's been a while since I've written a real "meat and potatoes" type post. It is not from my huge social calendar nor because of the lack of time I spend at home but more because I, again, struggle with putting a finger on the emotions that I feel each day. I'm not sure if it's because I am peri-menopausal (am I??) or just plain C.R.A.Z.Y. but I have become a prisoner of my emotions the past 6 months.
Perhaps the negativity of the past presidential election seeped in to my every day life? Yes, I'll blame Obama The One for any problems with handling my emotional health!! No, it's not just the fact that there is a politician out there that I don't like - there are many - it's more the morons that like the politicians! I know, it's not very Christ-like of me to label them as morons and then doesn't it make me as angry and moronic like them? Sigh...Part of me can't wait to sit back and watch all of the b.s. happen and see "his" followers frothing at the mouth or starting revolutions because they want EVERYTHING without working for ANY of it. Let's keep abortion legal because, after all, why should it be any of our business if 60,000,000 babies have been murdered in the name of choice or convenience or confusion or manipulation or deception or fear? Again, sigh... ok, I'll move on from the stomach-turning emotions I have in regards to this administration!
So, where to go from those emotions?? I'd like to add many up-beat and lively ones but those are few and far between. I take great joy in seeing my children adapt and thrive here in Ohio. It really does take the sting away to know that they are happy and finding a few places that make it feel like home here. Murphy has an amazing ability to draw people to him. He doesn't change the way he is to suit the group of people he's with - people like him because he's loyal and funny and confident. Briege, as I've mentioned many times, is kind and giving and funny. She has never met a person that she doesn't like - and that causes hurt feelings more often than not but it also makes people love her. It's my little Keagan that I'm most worried about now. I thought, for sure, that he would have the easiest time with this transition because he was only 7 when we moved but that has not proven to be the case. He struggles finding friends because he can come across very strong and a bit "over" confident. He's not cocky but he is agressive in sports and likes everything to be completely fair even if it rubs people the wrong way. He hates his school and I, as mommy, do not know what to do to fix this because, frankly, I feel the same way. I feel lost and lonely and angry most of the time.
I could definitely look back at previous blog posts and see that I have struggled with finding my place long before the move. It is probably just all of those same issues magnified because I don't have too many outlets to work through them. I have read many wonderful spiritual books which have given me lots of medicine for my soul but, at the same time, kind of make me feel worse than I did before reading. Does that make sense? I am a rather simple gal - I see a problem, I find solutions, I attempt solutions, and the problem is "fixed". It's great in theory but it doesn't work in life exactly the same way! Why the heck not??? Why can't it be that simple?
The holiday season is tough for me because I love it but I have, in my head, the way it all should look and sound and smell and I always fall short. A few weeks ago I reached out to a woman here in Ohio and told her how sad I was to be away from my extended family over Thanksgiving and probably Christmas and asked if we could get together just so I could get out of my funk. I was reaching out and her response? "Um, can it wait until the holidays are over, I'm redoing my kitchen?" Are you kidding me? I know, on the one hand, she was just being honest and that's what friends do. On the other hand, who does that? Apparently people in this bubble of a town in which I reside do THAT! It's been a year and a half and I've met some nice people but I have not gone out socially with a single person in a year and a half. ONE.YEAR.AND.A.HALF. I volunteer at the high school, I volunteer at the grade school, I coached my daughter's volleyball, I volunteer for the pro-life group in the city, and so on but nothing. Why? I mean, WHY?
I know that my life could be worse and it has been, at times, super bad :( but I have never felt this isolated or this unimportant in my whole life. My marriage is a constant struggle with me wanting my husband to even notice me or to do what he says he'll do. I want a true partnership but I feel like he is still lost in that selfish caveman mode whereas I come in to his world with 3 kids with 3 independent and busy lives and he just stays in automatic. There are benefits to this as he keeps us all calm but it makes me sad to see him so unplugged to the world that is happening right in front of his nose. I have hope and that means a ton! I know that God brought us together and He will see us through this but it sure hurts sometimes.
So, I'll just keep sittin' here and I'll just keep hoping!

Just Because I Can!

There are some things in this world that bring me great joy. My children, my husband, my God (of course!) and my IRISH!

A Must-See

I think I should view this video daily! I cannot even begin to describe how lonely and how sad and how tired I am. It is medicine for the soul! Enjoy!

Vote

Keagan Christopher

Oh my Halloweenie baby, Keagan Christopher! It is only fitting that Keagan was able to squeeze his way on to the calendar with his birth on the LAST day of October which is also Halloween! I gotta say, I've always hated Halloween (the scary crap, the dark crap, the costumes, etc. - I have issues) and so I felt that God, most definitely, smiled from above when Keagan came into our lives! He has redeemed the day for me - well for ALL of us! He is funny, smart, creative, wacky, energetic, and is always right there with a kiss for mom! And so, Keagan rounds out the crazy birthday month of October for us and so I leave you with this parting shot of the 3 birthday kiddos! I'm so blessed!

Sweet Briege

Holy moly! I forgot to make a special mention of my dear, sweet, lovely, funny, adorable, smart, and terrific daughter to mark her 13th birthday! I can't believe she's a teenager!! She's such a giver and she's so unbelievably unselfish in everything she says or does! God continually smiles on all of us because of the gift of her life! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRIEGE MARIE!!!

Joseph Murphy

I cannot find the right words to describe how much I love this boy! I know I've shared time and time again how we share the same birthday and so, every year, on our birthday I am reminded of God's amazing LOVE. I cherish this day because it all made perfect sense when Murphy came in to my life...on this day...15 years ago. I shall hold him tighter today (won't he just love that???)I will nag him less today (he will definitely love that!!) and I will shout God's goodness loudly today! Thank you, dear Lord, for the gift of Murphy's life!

"Because he is just THAT good"

My Apologies

It seems as though I am always apologizing lately. I'm apologizing because I dare to have an opinion on a particular political candidate - code for: Obama. In my opinion, he is down-right evil! I realize that some may say that he may be misguided or that he merely shares a different political agenda that I do but, as for me, the writing is on the wall; the proof is in the pudding; where there's smoke there's fire! Take, for just one tiny example, as part of his lovely Obamacare MANDATE (not suggestion, not choice, but MANDATE) there are frightening little bonuses that allow states, such as Oregon (and any other state that would allow or propose it) the following: "With back-to-school season in full swing across the nation, parents in Oregon have more to worry about than shopping for sweaters and purchasing pencils. In the state of Oregon, the Obamacare mandate, which went into effect on August 1, 2012, provides free sterilizations to girls as young as fifteen. Now, your daughter, your high school freshman, can choose, without your consent, to be permanently sterilized." What the heck?? Am I to apologize because MY president is proposing that states should have the freedom to allow their young people to be sterilized at ages as young as 15 without parental consent and this saddens me? I'm apologizing for what? I'm apologizing because I, personally, have not had a tubal ligation, been on the pill, or used a condom to prevent children. Now, do NOT get me wrong, this is what I have done personally - never in my interaction with anyone have I judged someone that has taken this path. I realize we all have our own paths and we all are doing what we feel is right and just in our own lives. Here comes the but in my statement: But, do not ask me to apologize because I have NOT chosen this path. If you feel guilty or feel judged because I'm not patting you on the back for these choices and telling you, "Hurrah", then that's something you should examine. And, don't expect me NOT to tell you why I have made these choices if YOU ask me!! 'Cause, I'm gonna tell you if YOU ask - I very rarely offer my opinions on things that may cause hurt unless someone, pointedly, asks me my opinion or asks me why I don't believe in using any of these things. I'm apologizing because I dare to correct someone when they, verbatim, make a false statement about the Catholic Church...MY Catholic Church! One example, recently, was a statement about yoga and the Catholic Church. The person stated that the reason that yoga is frowned upon by Catholics is because of yoga's former pagan roots. This is a completely false characteristic of why the Catholic Church has stated that practicing yoga is contrary to CHRISTIAN and Catholic principles because of its CURRENT connection to New Age mysticism found in NON-CHRISTIAN religions like Hinduism and Budhism. Yet, I am asked to "lighten up" and to "shut up" about correcting the statement which portrays MY Church in a false light - making Catholics seem like we just sit in our rockers thinking of ways to be buzz-kills!! "Yoga is incompatible with Catholicism because the best known practice of Hindu spirituality is Yoga. “Inner” Hinduism professes pantheism, which denies that there is only one infinite Being who created the world out of nothing." - FATHER JOHN HARDON, S.J. Yep, I'm only citing one priest because his explanation makes sense and I need nothing more to "convince" me to stay away from yoga. Is there only one way to exercise and relax? Are we just so obsessed with finding ways to de-program that we are willing to engage in practices that shift focus away from Christ towards a more self-centered approach to life? I know, I don't get it because I am a lazy gal whose only job it is to be a stay-at-home mother. Therefore, I apologize...groan! I'm apologizing because my "friends" just don't have time to be friends. I would know that if I actually had a J.O.B. I apologize because it is impossible to return a text from me with the words; "BUZZ OFF" or "MISS YOU" or "LEAVE ME ALONE" or... I apologize because it must take hundreds of seconds to type out an email catching up with me or, on the contrary, telling me to get lost! I aplogize because returning a phone call must take hours. I mean punching in 10 numbers - exhausting! I know I sound bitter and perhaps I am. I am sad that years of tears and laughter and advice and chats about nothing and everything all seem to be worth nothing anymore. It is particularly painful because I live in a new (relatively) place without the attachments of years of friendship in my pocket like everyone else here seems to have. I value and I am open to new friendships every day and I am still hopeful it will happen to me here in Ohio. I guess I just never thought that I would be that friend. The one that people just forget about because it's all "out of sight: out of mind" kind of a thing. I mean I'm 41, not 17!! I'm capable of making a new marriage work, incorporating his 2 sons in to my life, driving my oldest 25 miles away for baseball practice 3 times a week, coaching eleven 12 year old girls the game of volleyball 3 times a week, and also preparing my son for high school and my 2 younger kiddos for another year at their school all while my husband travels 4 days a week. Yep, I can sure manage a 10 minute phone call in there and I can figure out how to pound on my keyboard to shoot an email and I, most definitely, know how to point my chubby fingers across my QWERTY phone to send a text. But, I apologize for being an obligation - my bad! MY APOLOGIES!

More Pictures

I have plenty of time to write in the blog but just haven't felt moved to do so. But, I have been busy taking lots of pictures, attending a ton of baseball games, and entertaining my kids this summer. Here are some pictures of our summer so far: